Life has been crazy busy lately,
with a newborn baby and all, so I am sorry it has taken us so long to share the
details of how we were matched with Eliana. We held off from posting many
details about it because when we were matched to a birthmother there were
certain factors that were risky and we did not really know if this whole
situation would pan out. All we could do at the time was pray. But Eliana is
with is now, so if you have a few minutes today, here is our adoption story!
In late April, we received a call
from our social worker telling us a birthmother from New York had seen our
online profile and was interested in us. We were one of three families she was
considering for adoption. This came as a total shock to Adam and I because
never in last several months did anyone ever find our online profile and show
any interest—and certainly not in another state! The usual drill is that we
would receive in state “circulars” about potential adoption situations sharing
the birth family’s history, health, and their wishes for adoption. We would
then read through it and choose whether to be thrown into the pool of other
people saying yes to this situation. This particular situation was so
drastically different because a birthmother was seeking us out, she found us,
and from New York nonetheless! At the time we were already in the top three for
another adoption situation. To top that off, earlier that day we learned news
that we received a great deal of money from friends that helped us get a
matching grant all towards our adoption expenses. That day was so crazy because
our adoption seemed to go from zero to 60. That day, I really knew that God was
doing something huge.
A couple
days later we learned that the other adoption situation that we were in the top
three for was no longer a possibility. The birth family chose another family, which
was still hard for us. We were used to this feeling. In the year we were
waiting for a baby we were in the top three seven times! We were still hopeful
about the New York situation, and to be honest this situation always intrigued
us the most because it was so drastically different than all the other local
situations.
The next day, on April 30 I received
a call from our social worker telling us that the New York birthmother chose
us! She was due with a baby girl June 23, and she wanted to meet us soon!
Getting that much-anticipated phone call was so amazing! I was babysitting at
the time with kids I nannied for and we were at the playground. I just remember
pacing around the playground on the phone, pinching myself to make sure it was
actually true! As amazing as the news was I was still paralyzed by fear. The
distance scared me. There were a few legal matters in this case that scared me,
and the possibility of the birth mom changing her mind loomed in the back of my
head.
Everything in me wanted to call
Adam while he was at work and tell him the amazing news but I refrained because
I wanted to see his face in person. I picked him up from work that day and I
just remember him looking at me and saying, “you’re really smiley today.” When
I told him the news he was in disbelief. I told him I was serious that we were
finally chosen and he was so excited! On the ride home we both began to call
our close family and friends to tell them the good news. People were ecstatic
for us! There were many tears shed, and we went out that night to celebrate!
Adam and I made plans a few days
later to travel to New York that next week and meet the birthmother. We made
the long trek to New York on May 9, filled with excitement, nervousness, and
uncertainty. We really received very little information about the birthmother
and her situation and so we didn’t know what to expect. We prayed so hard for
that meeting. I can honestly say I have
never been so nervous in my whole life.
Before the meeting we drove around the
city trying to calm our nerves and we prayed a lot! The meeting went so well
with the birthmother and so many of our questions and concerns were answered!
We connected with the birthmother so much and we instantly felt connected to
her and her family. There were very specific prayers that we prayed that were
answered during that meeting, and we again were feeling so excited and
thankful! We left New York feeling very confident and excited!
The weeks that followed the meeting
were filled with a crazy mix of emotions. There were still certain legal
matters that were red flags in our minds, but Adam and I decided long ago to
just say, “yes” to this situation. There were days when fear gripped my heart
so tightly and I would have dreams of all of this falling through. Every time
Adam and I would begin to go through these feelings of fear and uncertainty we
would pray—very bold specific prayers—and sure enough the very next day, we
would receive news that calmed our fears.
We began to make preparations for
having a baby in our home, which strangely enough had been put aside for so
long because we were so focused on adopting. We painted her nursery, bought a
few baby items, painted some furniture, and just eased into this idea. Deep
down we were both scared to go crazy and buy tons and tons of baby things (even
though we wanted to). It felt so strange to see that nursery door always
open—we kept it closed for a long time—and to see baby things multiply every
day. We were so thankful, so prayerful, and really just waiting for the birth
mom to go into labor.
And then came the text—three weeks
early! We received the text at 2:30 AM June 2 informing us that the birthmother
was in early active labor! We were again thrown for a loop, but we had been
praying that baby girl would be born early, and sure enough she was on her way.
We packed liked zombies in the middle of the night and by some miracle we were
on the road by 3:30 AM Tuesday morning. That drive seemed to take forever! We
were pretty much prepared with the basics for having a new baby, but because
she was early we had not nailed down living arrangements once we were in New
York. We had a few options fall through and it was nerve-wracking trying to
find something. We knew that once the baby was born we would have to stay in
New York for at least two weeks to clear up legal matters, get papers signed,
and for interstate paperwork to be cleared.
We journeyed closer and closer and this baby girl was really on her way!
We got to New York and the first
thing we did was buy a car seat. There was a baby shower in Michigan planned
for that coming weekend, and we had banked on getting a car sear then. The baby
had other plans and the shower happened regardless (We made a Skype appearance).
We checked into a hotel in New York and waited until we had the green light to
come to the hospital. This waiting was very hard for us. It was the hospital
that made me the most nervous. Emotions are highest, the labor is always hard,
and we knew the baby would be beautiful. We finally received a text later that
day saying that baby girl was born at 4:48 PM, weighing 7 lbs 5 oz and was 20
inches long.
We received a call a few hours
later telling us we could come and see her. We were so overjoyed! Driving to
the hospital that evening was so unbelievable! We did not know what to expect.
This was the moment we had been anticipating for so long, and we knew we had to
be sensitive to the birth family. When we arrived at the hospital we found
everyone there in high spirits and genuinely happy. When we looked at and held
our beautiful baby girl for the first time, she really did take our breath
away. She was so perfect in every way, and she was here! It was such a fine
balance to be excited and also to be sensitive to the birth family. We stayed
at the hospital until visiting hours were up and then headed back to our hotel
on cloud nine.
The next morning I woke up consumed
with fear. Fearful, because we were not at the hospital (like we originally
thought we could be, but the hospital would not allow us to) and we had no idea
what was going on. We were waiting on the birth family to give us the green
light to come and visit again, and we were not getting any new information.
This morning was by far the hardest day for me. It took all my strength not to
run to the hospital and hold our baby girl, but I knew it was not my place. We rehearsed what we knew: the birth mother
had a meeting that day with the social worker at 11:00 A.M. and as far as we
knew, she was following through with the adoption. Instead of being
over-bearing and nosey, we decided to wait until after 1:00 PM before we called
anyone.
We spent time in prayer and in the
Word that morning, just trying to be in the moment without getting overwhelmed.
We had not heard any bad news and God had led us to this point. I will never
forget how I felt getting ready that day. My heart was so fearful and scared
and I was praying all day. Then all of a sudden, as if in a soft whisper, I
could hear God say “she is going to be yours, trust in me”. I did not know what to do so Adam suggested we
get lunch. As we pulled up to the restaurant, the phone rang. It was the New
York social worker. She reassured us that the adoption was still moving forward
and the birth family just wanted a day with the baby and some visitors. Thank
you, Lord. It was 1:00 PM.
We made a wise choice and decided
to escape into nature for the afternoon. We knew there was nothing we could
accomplish waiting all day at the hotel. So we got in the car and drove up into
the mountains. We spent the afternoon talking about baby names and appreciating
some of the most amazing waterfalls in the country. It was what we needed. This
was also the day we nailed down our long-term housing arrangement. A church
connection with the birth family found an attic apartment for us to rent out
short term. It was close to where we needed to be and in a quiet country
community. Little did we know that this apartment would be our home for the
next five weeks.
On Thursday, June 4, we drove to
the hospital in the afternoon with the car seat. Once again, we found ourselves
feeling pulled separate directions emotionally and unsure about how to act. The
plan was for mother and baby to be discharged that afternoon, and we would take
the baby with us. I was still slightly afraid of leaving with an empty car
seat, the image taunting me for weeks leading up to this moment. We prayed
before going inside and again, God showered grace on the whole situation. We
spent time with the birth family, watched the baby get changed and took lots of
pictures. On the way back to our apartment, Adam stayed in the slow lane.
Eliana came home from the hospital
a very healthy baby. There were some minor concerns about her coloring and her
birth weight so we would end up going to her pediatrician every few days for
them to weight her until she gained her birth weight back. The first three days
with her were a little difficult, as any first-time parent understands. We took
turns waking up to feed her and Adam changed a diaper for the first time. After
switching her onto a formula that agreed with her belly and after she settled
into life with us, things really began to feel normal. She even made an
appearance at her baby shower in Jackson (via Skype).
Besides caring for a newborn baby,
our time in New York was focused around the legal process and trying to focus
on something besides the legal process. What I mean is that adoption tends to
be a long process that requires patience. In our case alone, we had a Michigan
case worker from our adoption agency, a New York case worker from the same
agency, an attorney representing the birth family, each state’s Department of
Human Services, and, because it was an inner-state adoption, the Interstate
Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC). Each entity had to be in
communication with the others, ensuring that all the right papers, laws and
requirements were being addressed appropriately. We felt immersed in red tape. On
top of that, Adam was still making sure his employer had everything they needed
to approve his paternity leave, which of course was complicated because this
was a pending adoption. We had to occupy ourselves.
We forced ourselves out of the
house everyday to alleviate the cabin fever, and found that update New York is
an amazingly beautiful place. We visited state parks, waterfalls, lakes, arboretums,
a bird sanctuary and a local Ivy League school’s campus. In our neighborhood,
we took walks, talked with neighbors and walked to get ice cream. Adam was able
to go on runs too. We saw a few storms come through and managed to go to church
as a family. Life was simple in the day to day, and we really appreciated that
we were able to spend so much time with our baby. On top of that, we got to
know the birth family better and spent time with them.
There was one particular legal
matter that was holding the process up however. Without sharing more details,
we knew this was a crucial step and that the adoption could not continue
without it being resolved. Additionally, we would not be able to sign any
placement papers until this issue was resolved. Eliana was technically in the
placement of our adoption agency at this time, but since they had conducted a
home study with us, they were able to place the baby in our temporary care
until the placement for adoption was approved. Lastly, the ICPC would not allow
us to leave the state until the baby was legally placed in our care for
adoption. New York was an amazing place and God had placed us in a family of
believers; but we still wanted to be home.
The waiting and apparent lack of
progress did wear on us, but every time we started to lose hope, we would get a
visitor. Someone from the birth family’s church would stop by with a meal and
pray with us. Adam’s brother and sister-in law drove out to see us for a
weekend. My dad met us in another city and put us up in a hotel for a few days.
People Skyped with us and called. Adam’s parents came out and rented a house
for a week. A couple from our Bible study happened to be passing through the
area on a family vacation and met us for breakfast. Seeing familiar faces and
just how much everyone cared for us was absolutely the thing that kept us
going. Eliana was loved by so many, very early.
Getting to know the birth family
was also a very special and important part of our time in New York. We were
taken in as part of the family and shared several meals together. They brought
us food, told us about fun things to do in the area and showed Eliana so much
love. In a difficult situation like this one, you never know what to expect,
but they were so gracious and Christ-like with us. We do consider them family
now, in more ways than one.
After more than a month in New York, the last
legal issue was finally resolved and we were ready to signs some papers. We
were able to sign the placement papers on Wednesday, June 24 and our
application to leave the state with Eliana was sent to Albany the same day.
Once it was approved, Eliana would legally be in our care and her case would be
a pending adoption. On Thursday and Friday we heard very little and knew that
nothing would be processed over the weekend. We spent one last weekend in New
York, knowing that we would be approved the following week. It was a great time
to reflect on how much God had done in New York, both in providing for us and
in teaching us how to wait. We started saying our goodbyes and packing things
up. On Monday morning, around 9:00 AM, the New York case worker texted Adam,
“You guys are good to go.” We cleaned
the apartment and were on the road back to Michigan by Noon.
In the seven weeks we have been
back home in Grand Rapids, we have adjusted to life with a baby. Adam spent a
week at home before returning to work, and I stay home with Eliana. She had her
two-month visit last week and has nearly doubled her birth weight!
We reflect often on our time in New
York but even more so, the entire waiting process from the beginning. For us, the
process of adoption started with a lot of heartbreak. Throughout this blog we
have not sugarcoated things because that would not benefit anyone and would rob
this story of any real-life value. Many of the friends we’ve met along the way
are still waiting to adopt, and some have experienced much harder things. There
are no easy explanations, we’ve learned, but God is with us in the journey. In
him we have found a friend who mourns with us, not a bully who taunts us. We’ve
found a caring Father. He’s taught us that life and family are more than just
things we’re supposed to enjoy but that they are supposed to be enjoyed in him
and are a part of his great story, his redemption story. In him we celebrate
the life of Eliana Joy Esperanza Dolson and say with a greater perspective than
before:
“The LORD is my chosen portion and
my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in
pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful
inheritance.”
Psalm 16:5-6
Thank you very much for reading,
praying, writing, calling, texting, giving, supporting and encouraging us in
the past two years. We have at least one more blog post coming once the
adoption is finalized. Thanks again!