Eliana's Story

Life has been crazy busy lately, with a newborn baby and all, so I am sorry it has taken us so long to share the details of how we were matched with Eliana. We held off from posting many details about it because when we were matched to a birthmother there were certain factors that were risky and we did not really know if this whole situation would pan out. All we could do at the time was pray. But Eliana is with is now, so if you have a few minutes today, here is our adoption story!

In late April, we received a call from our social worker telling us a birthmother from New York had seen our online profile and was interested in us. We were one of three families she was considering for adoption. This came as a total shock to Adam and I because never in last several months did anyone ever find our online profile and show any interest—and certainly not in another state! The usual drill is that we would receive in state “circulars” about potential adoption situations sharing the birth family’s history, health, and their wishes for adoption. We would then read through it and choose whether to be thrown into the pool of other people saying yes to this situation. This particular situation was so drastically different because a birthmother was seeking us out, she found us, and from New York nonetheless! At the time we were already in the top three for another adoption situation. To top that off, earlier that day we learned news that we received a great deal of money from friends that helped us get a matching grant all towards our adoption expenses. That day was so crazy because our adoption seemed to go from zero to 60. That day, I really knew that God was doing something huge.

            A couple days later we learned that the other adoption situation that we were in the top three for was no longer a possibility. The birth family chose another family, which was still hard for us. We were used to this feeling. In the year we were waiting for a baby we were in the top three seven times! We were still hopeful about the New York situation, and to be honest this situation always intrigued us the most because it was so drastically different than all the other local situations.

The next day, on April 30 I received a call from our social worker telling us that the New York birthmother chose us! She was due with a baby girl June 23, and she wanted to meet us soon! Getting that much-anticipated phone call was so amazing! I was babysitting at the time with kids I nannied for and we were at the playground. I just remember pacing around the playground on the phone, pinching myself to make sure it was actually true! As amazing as the news was I was still paralyzed by fear. The distance scared me. There were a few legal matters in this case that scared me, and the possibility of the birth mom changing her mind loomed in the back of my head.

Everything in me wanted to call Adam while he was at work and tell him the amazing news but I refrained because I wanted to see his face in person. I picked him up from work that day and I just remember him looking at me and saying, “you’re really smiley today.” When I told him the news he was in disbelief. I told him I was serious that we were finally chosen and he was so excited! On the ride home we both began to call our close family and friends to tell them the good news. People were ecstatic for us! There were many tears shed, and we went out that night to celebrate!

            Adam and I made plans a few days later to travel to New York that next week and meet the birthmother. We made the long trek to New York on May 9, filled with excitement, nervousness, and uncertainty. We really received very little information about the birthmother and her situation and so we didn’t know what to expect. We prayed so hard for that meeting.  I can honestly say I have never been so nervous in my whole life.

Before the meeting we drove around the city trying to calm our nerves and we prayed a lot! The meeting went so well with the birthmother and so many of our questions and concerns were answered! We connected with the birthmother so much and we instantly felt connected to her and her family. There were very specific prayers that we prayed that were answered during that meeting, and we again were feeling so excited and thankful! We left New York feeling very confident and excited!

The weeks that followed the meeting were filled with a crazy mix of emotions. There were still certain legal matters that were red flags in our minds, but Adam and I decided long ago to just say, “yes” to this situation. There were days when fear gripped my heart so tightly and I would have dreams of all of this falling through. Every time Adam and I would begin to go through these feelings of fear and uncertainty we would pray—very bold specific prayers—and sure enough the very next day, we would receive news that calmed our fears.

We began to make preparations for having a baby in our home, which strangely enough had been put aside for so long because we were so focused on adopting. We painted her nursery, bought a few baby items, painted some furniture, and just eased into this idea. Deep down we were both scared to go crazy and buy tons and tons of baby things (even though we wanted to). It felt so strange to see that nursery door always open—we kept it closed for a long time—and to see baby things multiply every day. We were so thankful, so prayerful, and really just waiting for the birth mom to go into labor.

And then came the text—three weeks early! We received the text at 2:30 AM June 2 informing us that the birthmother was in early active labor! We were again thrown for a loop, but we had been praying that baby girl would be born early, and sure enough she was on her way. We packed liked zombies in the middle of the night and by some miracle we were on the road by 3:30 AM Tuesday morning. That drive seemed to take forever! We were pretty much prepared with the basics for having a new baby, but because she was early we had not nailed down living arrangements once we were in New York. We had a few options fall through and it was nerve-wracking trying to find something. We knew that once the baby was born we would have to stay in New York for at least two weeks to clear up legal matters, get papers signed, and for interstate paperwork to be cleared.  We journeyed closer and closer and this baby girl was really on her way!

We got to New York and the first thing we did was buy a car seat. There was a baby shower in Michigan planned for that coming weekend, and we had banked on getting a car sear then. The baby had other plans and the shower happened regardless (We made a Skype appearance). We checked into a hotel in New York and waited until we had the green light to come to the hospital. This waiting was very hard for us. It was the hospital that made me the most nervous. Emotions are highest, the labor is always hard, and we knew the baby would be beautiful. We finally received a text later that day saying that baby girl was born at 4:48 PM, weighing 7 lbs 5 oz and was 20 inches long.

We received a call a few hours later telling us we could come and see her. We were so overjoyed! Driving to the hospital that evening was so unbelievable! We did not know what to expect. This was the moment we had been anticipating for so long, and we knew we had to be sensitive to the birth family. When we arrived at the hospital we found everyone there in high spirits and genuinely happy. When we looked at and held our beautiful baby girl for the first time, she really did take our breath away. She was so perfect in every way, and she was here! It was such a fine balance to be excited and also to be sensitive to the birth family. We stayed at the hospital until visiting hours were up and then headed back to our hotel on cloud nine.

The next morning I woke up consumed with fear. Fearful, because we were not at the hospital (like we originally thought we could be, but the hospital would not allow us to) and we had no idea what was going on. We were waiting on the birth family to give us the green light to come and visit again, and we were not getting any new information. This morning was by far the hardest day for me. It took all my strength not to run to the hospital and hold our baby girl, but I knew it was not my place.  We rehearsed what we knew: the birth mother had a meeting that day with the social worker at 11:00 A.M. and as far as we knew, she was following through with the adoption. Instead of being over-bearing and nosey, we decided to wait until after 1:00 PM before we called anyone.

We spent time in prayer and in the Word that morning, just trying to be in the moment without getting overwhelmed. We had not heard any bad news and God had led us to this point. I will never forget how I felt getting ready that day. My heart was so fearful and scared and I was praying all day. Then all of a sudden, as if in a soft whisper, I could hear God say “she is going to be yours, trust in me”.  I did not know what to do so Adam suggested we get lunch. As we pulled up to the restaurant, the phone rang. It was the New York social worker. She reassured us that the adoption was still moving forward and the birth family just wanted a day with the baby and some visitors. Thank you, Lord. It was 1:00 PM.

We made a wise choice and decided to escape into nature for the afternoon. We knew there was nothing we could accomplish waiting all day at the hotel. So we got in the car and drove up into the mountains. We spent the afternoon talking about baby names and appreciating some of the most amazing waterfalls in the country. It was what we needed. This was also the day we nailed down our long-term housing arrangement. A church connection with the birth family found an attic apartment for us to rent out short term. It was close to where we needed to be and in a quiet country community. Little did we know that this apartment would be our home for the next five weeks.

On Thursday, June 4, we drove to the hospital in the afternoon with the car seat. Once again, we found ourselves feeling pulled separate directions emotionally and unsure about how to act. The plan was for mother and baby to be discharged that afternoon, and we would take the baby with us. I was still slightly afraid of leaving with an empty car seat, the image taunting me for weeks leading up to this moment. We prayed before going inside and again, God showered grace on the whole situation. We spent time with the birth family, watched the baby get changed and took lots of pictures. On the way back to our apartment, Adam stayed in the slow lane.

Eliana came home from the hospital a very healthy baby. There were some minor concerns about her coloring and her birth weight so we would end up going to her pediatrician every few days for them to weight her until she gained her birth weight back. The first three days with her were a little difficult, as any first-time parent understands. We took turns waking up to feed her and Adam changed a diaper for the first time. After switching her onto a formula that agreed with her belly and after she settled into life with us, things really began to feel normal. She even made an appearance at her baby shower in Jackson (via Skype).

Besides caring for a newborn baby, our time in New York was focused around the legal process and trying to focus on something besides the legal process. What I mean is that adoption tends to be a long process that requires patience. In our case alone, we had a Michigan case worker from our adoption agency, a New York case worker from the same agency, an attorney representing the birth family, each state’s Department of Human Services, and, because it was an inner-state adoption, the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC). Each entity had to be in communication with the others, ensuring that all the right papers, laws and requirements were being addressed appropriately. We felt immersed in red tape. On top of that, Adam was still making sure his employer had everything they needed to approve his paternity leave, which of course was complicated because this was a pending adoption. We had to occupy ourselves.

We forced ourselves out of the house everyday to alleviate the cabin fever, and found that update New York is an amazingly beautiful place. We visited state parks, waterfalls, lakes, arboretums, a bird sanctuary and a local Ivy League school’s campus. In our neighborhood, we took walks, talked with neighbors and walked to get ice cream. Adam was able to go on runs too. We saw a few storms come through and managed to go to church as a family. Life was simple in the day to day, and we really appreciated that we were able to spend so much time with our baby. On top of that, we got to know the birth family better and spent time with them.

There was one particular legal matter that was holding the process up however. Without sharing more details, we knew this was a crucial step and that the adoption could not continue without it being resolved. Additionally, we would not be able to sign any placement papers until this issue was resolved. Eliana was technically in the placement of our adoption agency at this time, but since they had conducted a home study with us, they were able to place the baby in our temporary care until the placement for adoption was approved. Lastly, the ICPC would not allow us to leave the state until the baby was legally placed in our care for adoption. New York was an amazing place and God had placed us in a family of believers; but we still wanted to be home.

The waiting and apparent lack of progress did wear on us, but every time we started to lose hope, we would get a visitor. Someone from the birth family’s church would stop by with a meal and pray with us. Adam’s brother and sister-in law drove out to see us for a weekend. My dad met us in another city and put us up in a hotel for a few days. People Skyped with us and called. Adam’s parents came out and rented a house for a week. A couple from our Bible study happened to be passing through the area on a family vacation and met us for breakfast. Seeing familiar faces and just how much everyone cared for us was absolutely the thing that kept us going. Eliana was loved by so many, very early.

Getting to know the birth family was also a very special and important part of our time in New York. We were taken in as part of the family and shared several meals together. They brought us food, told us about fun things to do in the area and showed Eliana so much love. In a difficult situation like this one, you never know what to expect, but they were so gracious and Christ-like with us. We do consider them family now, in more ways than one.

 After more than a month in New York, the last legal issue was finally resolved and we were ready to signs some papers. We were able to sign the placement papers on Wednesday, June 24 and our application to leave the state with Eliana was sent to Albany the same day. Once it was approved, Eliana would legally be in our care and her case would be a pending adoption. On Thursday and Friday we heard very little and knew that nothing would be processed over the weekend. We spent one last weekend in New York, knowing that we would be approved the following week. It was a great time to reflect on how much God had done in New York, both in providing for us and in teaching us how to wait. We started saying our goodbyes and packing things up. On Monday morning, around 9:00 AM, the New York case worker texted Adam, “You guys are good to go.”  We cleaned the apartment and were on the road back to Michigan by Noon.

In the seven weeks we have been back home in Grand Rapids, we have adjusted to life with a baby. Adam spent a week at home before returning to work, and I stay home with Eliana. She had her two-month visit last week and has nearly doubled her birth weight!

We reflect often on our time in New York but even more so, the entire waiting process from the beginning. For us, the process of adoption started with a lot of heartbreak. Throughout this blog we have not sugarcoated things because that would not benefit anyone and would rob this story of any real-life value. Many of the friends we’ve met along the way are still waiting to adopt, and some have experienced much harder things. There are no easy explanations, we’ve learned, but God is with us in the journey. In him we have found a friend who mourns with us, not a bully who taunts us. We’ve found a caring Father. He’s taught us that life and family are more than just things we’re supposed to enjoy but that they are supposed to be enjoyed in him and are a part of his great story, his redemption story. In him we celebrate the life of Eliana Joy Esperanza Dolson and say with a greater perspective than before:

“The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;

you hold my lot.

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.”

Psalm 16:5-6

Thank you very much for reading, praying, writing, calling, texting, giving, supporting and encouraging us in the past two years. We have at least one more blog post coming once the adoption is finalized. Thanks again!