Hey Friends,
Thank you for taking a moment to read about our adoption
journey today. Lauren and I have just come back from a retreat at the beginning
of this month and are feeling very refreshed. A ministry from our church here
in Grand Rapids designed the weekend to be educational, relaxing, and
supportive for foster care and adopting families.
Lauren and I packed our bags and headed to Holland after
work on Friday. What we experienced was incredible. First of all, an anonymous
donor stepped up before the retreat and covered the cost for all the families
attending so that we did not have to pay a dime. When we got there, volunteers
from Crossroads’ ministry Abba’s Answer had made preparations for the entire
weekend. We were greeted in our room with letters, books, a care package and
gifts. The keynote speaker was an in-demand therapist from the area who
specializes in reactive attachment disorder and who regularly counsels families
who care for kids with trauma. On Saturday night, some folks from our church
came out and created a candle-lit dessert experience along with some
entertainment, an improv group from the local college. We had numerous conversations with new and
old friends about adoption and foster care and learned so much. We left on
Sunday afternoon feeling very supported. The retreat reminded us that we are
not alone in our adoption journey. We just want to say thank you to those of
you who made this weekend happen.
There is a story in the Bible that has come up a lot for us
recently and we’ve been wanting to share it with you all. Jesus’ disciple John
tells a story about a man they meet along the way who is blind (John 9). We’re
never given his name but we know this man was born blind and consequently has to
beg in his hometown to survive. He encounters Jesus one day and the question is
asked: “…who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
The question reveals a paradigm where God punishes evil by
inflicting hardship. His physical
handicap is only the result of something he or his parent’s did. The struggle
he is experiencing is directly related to the choices he made. He got what was
coming to him and we should not pity him because he brought this on himself.
Karma.
Under this view, God only blesses those who behave well.
Those of us who do right and who love God can expect good lives, our health, enough
money, safety, and the absence of horrible hardships. God only smites the
wicked with this stuff.
This is a loaded question they asked.
Jesus’ response must have surprised them: “It was not that
this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed
in him.”
In his answer, Jesus is displacing karma with an accurate
view of God, man, and the state of the world. Had this blind man sinned in his
life? Sure. Had his parents? Yes. But the simplistic view of God as a petty
score keeper, eager to show his disapproval, is not reality. Nor is the idea
that man’s individual actions will determine how blessed or difficult his life
is.
There is something more going on here. And Jesus hints at it
before he acts next. This man was born blind…that the works of God might be
displayed in him. Underlining this story is the reality of the state of the
world—brokenness. To say that things are broken is to say that, even though God
created the world and oversees it, the world does not function as it should.
Work is hard. Disasters happen. Relationships fail. People die. Power is abused.
People are born with handicaps. We are all subject to feel the brokenness of
the world in different ways. Sometimes we bring consequences upon ourselves,
but other times, it just happens to us. What did this man do to be born blind?
Nothing. It is the seemingly random consequence of living in a broken world.
But herein lies the beauty of Jesus’ response. Out of this unfortunate reality
you were born into, God is going to work.
You may know what happens next. Jesus spits on the ground,
makes a little mud and puts it on the blind man’s eyes. He commands the man to
go wash, and he comes back seeing! By giving this man physical and spiritual
sight, Jesus proves what he has just said about himself: “I am the light of the
world.”
Lauren and I have at times exhausted ourselves with
questions. Why do we have infertility?
How did this happen and how can we fix it? Why is adoption so hard? So
expensive? So slow? Why us? Our questions carry a speculation and
uncertainty that rings throughout to the disciples’ question—who sinned? At the
end of the day, there is no good answer for these questions besides brokenness.
Bad things happen. But after 32 months of trying to start a family, we’re only
just beginning to see the extent to which God can redeem our broken situation. People
have said we’re an encouragement to them. Couples in the same situation have
come to us for guidance. Really? Us? But we don’t have the answers. I’m
beginning to think that grieving people really don’t want answers. Just hope.
Hope that there is a way forward. Hope that they are not alone in their
darkness. Hope that God is not mean or apathetic. Hope that their faith is
worth something and can survive this reality they’re facing.
One of the speakers at this retreat last week called us
heroes. A bit of an overstatement, I thought at the time. He went on to explain
himself. He said that we’re heroes because we’re taking what is God’s and
reclaiming it for him. God made everything and God makes babies, he said. So
these babies, like everything, belong to God. And when we take them in and care
for them, we’re showing that we respect and honor and value the one who made
them. Isn’t that what Christians do though? Isn’t that what our lives are
about? We reclaim what is God’s in spite of brokenness. To be clear, we're not heroes. All along, I’ve thought
adoption was a way for Lauren and I to start a family, but that’s not all. Apparently,
there is a bigger picture I’m not seeing. There is something more going on
here and it has to do with God's care for his creation.
Thanks for reading,
Adam
Thanks for reading,
Adam