Sunday, March 15, 2015

Something More

Hey Friends,

Thank you for taking a moment to read about our adoption journey today. Lauren and I have just come back from a retreat at the beginning of this month and are feeling very refreshed. A ministry from our church here in Grand Rapids designed the weekend to be educational, relaxing, and supportive for foster care and adopting families.

Lauren and I packed our bags and headed to Holland after work on Friday. What we experienced was incredible. First of all, an anonymous donor stepped up before the retreat and covered the cost for all the families attending so that we did not have to pay a dime. When we got there, volunteers from Crossroads’ ministry Abba’s Answer had made preparations for the entire weekend. We were greeted in our room with letters, books, a care package and gifts. The keynote speaker was an in-demand therapist from the area who specializes in reactive attachment disorder and who regularly counsels families who care for kids with trauma. On Saturday night, some folks from our church came out and created a candle-lit dessert experience along with some entertainment, an improv group from the local college.  We had numerous conversations with new and old friends about adoption and foster care and learned so much. We left on Sunday afternoon feeling very supported. The retreat reminded us that we are not alone in our adoption journey. We just want to say thank you to those of you who made this weekend happen.

There is a story in the Bible that has come up a lot for us recently and we’ve been wanting to share it with you all. Jesus’ disciple John tells a story about a man they meet along the way who is blind (John 9). We’re never given his name but we know this man was born blind and consequently has to beg in his hometown to survive. He encounters Jesus one day and the question is asked: “…who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

The question reveals a paradigm where God punishes evil by inflicting hardship.  His physical handicap is only the result of something he or his parent’s did. The struggle he is experiencing is directly related to the choices he made. He got what was coming to him and we should not pity him because he brought this on himself. Karma.

Under this view, God only blesses those who behave well. Those of us who do right and who love God can expect good lives, our health, enough money, safety, and the absence of horrible hardships. God only smites the wicked with this stuff.

This is a loaded question they asked.

Jesus’ response must have surprised them: “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

In his answer, Jesus is displacing karma with an accurate view of God, man, and the state of the world. Had this blind man sinned in his life? Sure. Had his parents? Yes. But the simplistic view of God as a petty score keeper, eager to show his disapproval, is not reality. Nor is the idea that man’s individual actions will determine how blessed or difficult his life is.

There is something more going on here. And Jesus hints at it before he acts next. This man was born blind…that the works of God might be displayed in him. Underlining this story is the reality of the state of the world—brokenness. To say that things are broken is to say that, even though God created the world and oversees it, the world does not function as it should. Work is hard. Disasters happen. Relationships fail. People die. Power is abused. People are born with handicaps. We are all subject to feel the brokenness of the world in different ways. Sometimes we bring consequences upon ourselves, but other times, it just happens to us. What did this man do to be born blind? Nothing. It is the seemingly random consequence of living in a broken world. But herein lies the beauty of Jesus’ response. Out of this unfortunate reality you were born into, God is going to work.

You may know what happens next. Jesus spits on the ground, makes a little mud and puts it on the blind man’s eyes. He commands the man to go wash, and he comes back seeing! By giving this man physical and spiritual sight, Jesus proves what he has just said about himself: “I am the light of the world.”

Lauren and I have at times exhausted ourselves with questions. Why do we have infertility? How did this happen and how can we fix it? Why is adoption so hard? So expensive? So slow? Why us? Our questions carry a speculation and uncertainty that rings throughout to the disciples’ question—who sinned? At the end of the day, there is no good answer for these questions besides brokenness. Bad things happen. But after 32 months of trying to start a family, we’re only just beginning to see the extent to which God can redeem our broken situation. People have said we’re an encouragement to them. Couples in the same situation have come to us for guidance. Really? Us? But we don’t have the answers. I’m beginning to think that grieving people really don’t want answers. Just hope. Hope that there is a way forward. Hope that they are not alone in their darkness. Hope that God is not mean or apathetic. Hope that their faith is worth something and can survive this reality they’re facing.


One of the speakers at this retreat last week called us heroes. A bit of an overstatement, I thought at the time. He went on to explain himself. He said that we’re heroes because we’re taking what is God’s and reclaiming it for him. God made everything and God makes babies, he said. So these babies, like everything, belong to God. And when we take them in and care for them, we’re showing that we respect and honor and value the one who made them. Isn’t that what Christians do though? Isn’t that what our lives are about? We reclaim what is God’s in spite of brokenness. To be clear, we're not heroes. All along, I’ve thought adoption was a way for Lauren and I to start a family, but that’s not all. Apparently, there is a bigger picture I’m not seeing. There is something more going on here and it has to do with God's care for his creation. 

Thanks for reading,
Adam