Special Delivery!

Hey Friends,

Adam here. We came home today to find a special delivery in our mailbox. It was our family profile books! If we haven’t explained this already, these books are going to be distributed to potential birth parents. The purpose of the book is to briefly describe who we are and why we want to adopt so that potential birth families can decide to have us adopt their child. It also describes our families, friends, how we met, our traditions, and our church. It is the first impression a birth family will have of us (no pressure). Lauren and I hustled to get this book done a couple weeks ago. With some help from our sister-in-law Kendra, who did some photography for us, we got it done! If you have seen our timeline on the blog, this was a big next step for us in the adoption process. We’ll be giving these books to our agency as soon as possible. Completing this project with Lauren reminded me of how incredibly blessed we are to have such great families and friends. God has richly blessed us. Trying to describe you all to potential birth families in a few short paragraphs in this book was tough. We hope the words and photos we chose do justice to the great support network we have and the life we want to provide for our kids. Pray with us for the families that will be viewing this book. As Lauren described previously, adoption is always accompanied by brokenness. The families reading our book will be in a hard place. I’ll leave you with a verse we ended our book with out of Numbers 6:24-26:

“May the LORD bless you and protect you.

May the LORD smile on you and be gracious to you.

May the LORD show you his favor and give you his peace.”

Be Blessed,

Adam & Lauren

Redemption Story

Hey guys, sorry that it has taken me so long to write. Life for us has been busy. And If I am being honest…it has been HARD.

I don’t mean hard in the physical sense, but for me in the spiritual sense. Some days this whole adoption thing seems much too HARD.

And I know I wrote a lot about this in my previous post, but the truth of the matter is dealing with infertility and moving towards adoption are two very different things that each come with their own set of challenges.

And to be honest, there are still days when I just flat out feel like I can’t do this anymore. There are still days when I feel like why were we given this burden? Why can I not seem to get passed this pain? Why does adoption have to be so exhausting?

Why. Why. Why. The questions in my mind seem to never end. And so many days I feel defeated yet again. And I sit here thinking to myself, “Didn’t I already deal with this? God, didn’t you already heal my heart from this and give me a fresh new perspective?

Why is this pain and hurt being stirred up in me again? Will I ever feel free?”

Some days I am convinced that no, this will hurt forever and this is something that will just be a sore subject, but what I am seeing more and more of is God’s redemption story being written in my own life.

I feel like I am an onion, being peeled layer by layer and God is constantly revealing on a deeper level my sin, my insecurities, my fears, my doubts, etc. and this process is PAINFUL! Just when I feel comfortable and like I finally have a grip on this thing called life, there is something deeper God is pointing out and something more that I have to look at.

So here I sit with what I feel like is an open wound. I feel sensitive, vulnerable, exposed, and easily infected. It is so easy for me to want to crawl up into a ball and feel sorry for myself and feel like nobody understands and like life isn’t fair.

But, the thing as of late that God is showing and revealing to me is how those areas of my life that are the most painful are not quick band aid fixes. I am the type of person who likes to deal with something once and move on. I don’t want to sit here and think about things over and over again, I want to just be done with it. So when a deep hurt like infertility is in my face constantly I just want to shove it aside and say “I’ve dealt with this” I’m ok!” “MOVE ON ALREADY”

But God is pressing on my heart a little deeper, a little deeper, and deeper still. He is showing me that there are still so many areas that I think I’ve dealt with, but haven’t and that sometimes our hardest battles are things we have to surrender to him again, and again, and again. It is not a one-time fix. As much as I wish it was.

So looking at my heart on a deeper level, God is stripping away my comfortable ideas of my family. Ever since I was little I had all these perfect little dreams about my future family and how exactly I wanted this to look. Sure adoption always looked pretty and like something I would love to tack onto my already “perfect” life later.

However, adoption, I am finding, is not something that is glamorous even though I think it is portrayed this way in the media today or even our Christian world.

Adoption is most definitely messy. There is almost always some sort of brokenness tied to adoption. A child being abandoned to an orphanage. Brokenness. A birthmother realizing that she cannot raise her child or give her child the life she wishes she could. Brokenness. A child orphaned because his/her parents passed away. Brokenness. A child put in foster care due to his/her parents inability to take care of the child. Brokenness.

This realization is hard to grapple with. It is hard for me to wrap my brain around at times. I think for so long I saw the beauty side of adoption (which it most definitely is!) and I missed so much of the hurt and brokenness that comes with adoption. It already hurts my heart to know that our child will have to deal with some of these feelings and emotions. But I am finding how important our role, as parents will be in the life of our future child.

And with that I am realizing that God is calling us to something so much more than our own “perfect family”. God is using us in his redemption story. God is sending us a little one whose life can be redeemed by his grace. Children who are adopted do often times come with a deep wound, maybe not even a wound they will know is there for years to come, but it is there. And I am realizing that God is giving us the gift of being a part of this child’s redemption story. God can and I think He will use us to point this child to the only true Healer.

Everyday I see a little bit more how my life is not about me. Not about my plans, my dreams, my wishes. But, about being part of God’s redemption story. The Bible in its entirety is a book about God constantly redeeming humanity. And how different people in the Bible played a role in this redemption story. God used normal people in broken situations to bring about redemption. And so the question I am faced with lately is, “Are you going to keep holding on to your ideas of what your life should be? Or will you let me (God) use you in a way you could have never imagined?” And this question is hard for me because I still cling so tightly to this perfect picture of how I thought life would be. But in all honestly, my picture is selfish. My picture is comfortable. easy. “pretty”.

Time for me to surrender yet again, and peel back another layer of the “onion”.

I am seeing so much more why adoption is a calling, and not something that is just “a good thing to do”. Adoption is redemption.

Lauren

                                   

January Update

Hey Readers,

I just want to start this post by saying thank you to all our generous supporters. We have had so many encouraging conversations and received lots of backing recently. Additionally, we've had a handful of folks support us financially on our giving site and a few more give us support in person. I can honestly say these have been humbling moments but encouraging moments. I realize we've got a whole team of family, friends and even friends of friends backing us up and helping bring Baby D home (thanks for the nickname Bek). All the while God has been shaping our hearts and preparing us for being parents. As the introductory phase comes to a close with our adoption agency, we are moving  closer to the part where we will be interacting with birth families. Lauren and I are reading parenting books and attending more classes. We're excited to welcome our baby into our home and family. Please drop us a line or follow up with us if you have some advice or a question about how things are going. It is the biggest thing on our plate right now and we love talking about it.

Adam

Held Close

Hey Readers,

Adam here. Thank you for taking the time to check out our blog. We hope you’ll be blessed. While one purpose of this blog is to inform you as to where we are in the adoption process, another is to give you a look into our heads and hearts because you care enough to check in on us. So here we go.

Last week, Lauren and I watched a documentary called Stuck. As part of our adoption, we’re required to do training—read some books, go to seminars—that kind of thing. It’s all about preparing us for the challenges we’ll face in parenting an adopted child. As we watched, I was struck by how difficult it is to adopt from overseas (which is not what we are doing this go around) and how great the need is worldwide. My heart broke for the kids they showed in orphanages. Even if the conditions were good, the film explains that kids fail to thrive unless they have someone showing them affection and care. As simple as it sounds, kids need human contact—skin to skin contact—in order to feel cared for. It is a non-verbal love language that God has beautifully worked into the parent/child relationship. Children’s brains actually fail to develop properly without this care. It was amazing to hear how imperative it is for a kid to be held by someone. I found myself just wanting to hold babies after watching.

As hard as it was to watch, the film made me excited to have our own baby someday. My wife has such a huge capacity to nurture and care for kids. It is something I love about her. And even when I was a teenager, I remember thinking that it would be so great to be a parent, to have these little people relying on you and looking to you everyday. It reminded of something I read in the book of Ephesians recently. If you read the book, it quickly becomes apparent that God’s father-like love is a main theme. In the first chapter Paul writes, “In love, he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ…” Paul goes on to explain the life of darkness that God has taken his people from and the new life of hope and peace that he has brought them into through Jesus Christ. And then he says, “be imitators of God, as beloved children,” or another translation says, “…as dearly loved children.” I get the image of God, as a father, holding his kids close because they need that close contact with him in order to develop properly. It gives me another reason to be excited about being a Dad—that I can imitate God’s love for his kids in the process. This is a love Lauren and I will demonstrate to our child even before we get a chance to explain it.

Thank you for reading.
Adam

Just Wait and See

Our journey that led us to adoption has not been an easy one for me. Our inability to have children on our own rocked my world and made me question God in every way. God has seriously had to break me through this whole process and there were days when I thought that God was very cruel and like he had completely forgotten about us.

The question that I had to ask myself everyday was "Are you going to trust God and believe that he is good, even when he doesn't give you what you want?" This question always smacked me right across the face. Up until this point, my life had gone pretty much according to my plans; graduate high school, go to college, get married, and the next logical step would be have kids. So naturally when we had infertility issues I did not take it very well at all. I went through so many cycles of being mad at God, trying to bargain with him, distancing myself from him, being really really sad and then repeat. My view of God's goodness was blocked by my own selfishness, bitterness, and feelings of entitlement. I was missing the point of it all. The lesson that he had for me, even though it hurt, it was for my good.

God was calling me to a place of complete and total surrender. He was also bringing so many sin areas out in the open and showing me the many aspects of myself that were not very pretty. Despite this very painful sanctification process, I could see glimpses of God's grace along the way.  Over and over again in my times of desperation, when I would pray and ask God, "Why?" for the thousandth time, I could hear him tell me ever so softly "Wait, just wait and see what I have for you." At the time the last thing I wanted was to wait, but now I can slowly begin to see his plan unfolding for me as I surrender bits and pieces of my life to him.

So that leads us to this point. Our adoption process is underway and we are truly grateful and overjoyed at the thought of welcoming a baby into our family. It is easy to get bogged down in the paperwork, the trainings, the finances, and just the time and effort that it all takes. Somedays it seems so overwhelming that I want to just say "forget it". It all seems too exhausting and costly. But through this adoption process God is continually revealing to me the cost of my own adoption, as his daughter. And the drastic lengths he went through to adopt me. Even in spite of my anger, bitterness, entitlement, and pride God still chose me. That fact in and of itself has been completely humbling.

Adam and I now feel the "cost" of adoption and the "pain" that it brings. But how much more did Jesus suffer for me? How much more did it hurt for Jesus to bear my burden of sin and take my punishment so that I might be adopted as his daughter? This fact is such motivation for me to keep going and press on. And in the craziness of all our adoption details,  I have found that my inability to manage it well, is actually the beauty of it all. The days when I feel completely overwhelmed and like I simply cannot do it, those are the days when I hear God's voice telling me "you don't have to do this on your own." The days when it all seems so far away and out of reach I can hear Him saying "Wait, just wait and see what I have for you." I can now see that in those hard and desperate moments with God, he was preparing me for something much bigger than the plans I had for myself. He was preparing me for adoption.

I am now so thankful that God does not always give me what I want. Though it is painful for a while, he really has been shaping me more into the image of his son. He has brought me to a place where I can admit I can't do it on my own and I need his strength daily to get from one adoption detail to the next. 

I really do feel as if we are on the edge of seeing God do something amazing. Something that I cannot even fathom yet. And I can still hear him say to me, "Wait, just wait and see what I have for you."

Lauren